TLDR; high energy dog with excited reactivity. Expecting a new baby in a few months – how bad are these issues and can training help?
I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for here – reassurance, advice, experiences? I know no one can give me a definitive answer, but maybe I just needed to type it out.
My husband and I adopted our dog from our local humane society a year ago. She is a 2.5 year old 40lb pit mix. She was an owner surrender and was in the shelter for a month before we got her. While I don’t think she was hit, I do think she was abused via neglect as she was kept mostly outside, never totally socialized properly, had never been to the vet, had her nails trimmed, or had been walked on a leash. Our last dog was a rescue and we had him until he passed at 12 years old. I’m familiar with the challenges some rescue dogs face, but he didn’t have any behavioral issues.
The reason I am posting is because I feel like I don’t have a good gauge on what is manageable reactive behavior that is “normal”and fixable, and what is beyond the scope of “normal”. We are expecting our second child in April. We currently have a 3.5 year old who is very active and not the easiest toddler. We often feel overwhelmed in our home, and big part of that overwhelm we can link to our dog. I struggle because she isn’t scary psycho reactive, but it’s hard for us. Our options currently are consult with a trainer, or speak to the shelter about rehoming her. We really love this dog and would miss having her in our family, so thinking about returning her is absolutely heartbreaking.
Our dog is so sweet, loves to cuddle, is gentle and tolerant with our son and other children, loves other dogs, is submissive and eager to please, and extremely smart. We’ve had success with house training, crate training, and she knows “sit”. She has also gotten better on a leash, but there are still struggles. When she is calm, she is so enjoyable to be around which makes this decision hard.
The minor issues are trainable manners like like jumping, counter surfing, personal space, and demand barking when wanting to play. The bigger issues are perhaps resource guarding?, reactivity on walks, whining and being unable to settle on car rides, and reactivity towards unfamiliar visitors. I just don’t know if those big issues are too big for us to handle and if finding another home for her would be best, or because she is eager to please and smart, training could make a difference.
She does this thing where if I’m sitting on the couch, if she sees my son start walking over to me, she will quickly run and jump on my lap and put herself between him and I. She will lick his face when he gets there, and I have to push her off me to put him on my lap. I try to stop it before it starts now that I notice it, but it is frustrating to have to monitor every time I sit down. It is not aggressive behavior towards my son, but based on what I’ve read, I think it might be a form a resource guarding me? Maybe someone can offer clarity/confirmation on that.
When we have unfamiliar visitors, she will go crazy. She has gotten used to my parents and in laws coming over and doesn’t react to them any more. She will cuddle and love on them like she does with us. But with unfamiliar people, she will nervously and loudly bark at them until they pet her. She is wagging her tail, and once they start petting her, she stops barking. When they sit down, she jumps on the couch and wants pets. But once they stop, the nervous, loud barking starts back up. There was one time recently where my friend was rubbing her belly on the couch and when she stopped, our dog jumped up and barked in my friends face, probably an inch from her nose. This was of course too much and I removed her right away.
We have just been putting her in another room or her crate with a kong and the TV on when unfamiliar people come over, but she whines and barks the whole time. It’s hard because we do have people who come over often – our friends, family and their young kids. I know lots of families just live with the fact that their dog has to be put away for visitors, but again it just feels overwhelming to manage long term if we can’t make progress.
Another big thing worth noting is her energy level. When we are home, she wants to play constantly. The second we sit down, she’s in our face with a toy or ball ready for us to throw and between that and our toddler, it gets overwhelming fast. When we adopted her, my husband worked from home and could take breaks to play fetch or a couple quick walks, but now he works full time in office. She is in her crate for about 8 hours a day during the week. I feel really guilty about her spending 8 hours in her crate, even though she sleeps the whole time and really loves her crate. Even when we’re home all day on the weekends though, it’s non stop energy and attention until it gets dark. I do leave her with a frozen kong in the crate in hopes it helps. She goes to daycare once a week, but we can’t really afford more often than that. She is still young, so I don’t know if her energy is something that will calm down in the next year or if this is just how she is? We can’t afford a regular dog walker, and then there’s the fact that she isn’t an easy walker.
On walks, she pulls on the leash and is reactive towards other dogs. It’s not aggressive reaction, it’s over excitement, like wanting to meet and play with them so bad she can’t control herself. This makes walks really stressful because there are tons of dogs in our neighborhood.
Basically all this to say, I feel like I don’t have enough knowledge to know what behaviors can be improved by training and what will be lifelong struggles. Between the energy level, nervous reactivity, potential resource guarding, we feel overwhelmed. We do enjoy her company, but it’s on her calmer days when we can relax with her. And with an already active toddler and baby on the way, truthfully I don’t know how much time we could devote if these are issues that need intense training. We did schedule a private session with a trainer (recommended by the shelter) in two weeks, but can only afford a couple sessions. The facility does offer a stay and train, but we would have to put it on a credit card to pay for it. I know the trainer will have lots of helpful info, but idk I just felt like I needed to sort of vent/ask Reddit too? Idk.
Do any of you with reactive dog experience see hope in fixing these things and making our home calm again? Would dropping $800 (we don’t have) on a trainer be life changing or a waste of money? Like I said, we absolutely hate the idea of having to rehome her, it gives me a pit in my stomach. But she adds a lot of stress to our life. Except on good days when she adds so much joy. We will be working with the trainer for two sessions regardless, because we owe it to her to at least try and we can afford two. But I just don’t know. It consumes my thoughts and makes me anxious for a newborn and maternity leave. But on the other hand, the guilt, sadness, and missing her I would feel if we returned her feels overwhelming too.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading all of this!
