27F struggling with whether or not rehoming my puppy is the best decision for her/me or not. a bit of backstory about me, 27F living in a 2nd floor apt in a city with no outdoor space with roommate. have a 27M boyfriend who i do not live with. i struggle with a lot of mental health issues – anxiety, depression, cptsd, ocd, and an eating disorder. i grew up with cats but have always wanted a dog. i wfh and had been living in my apt for a little over a year before i decided that i was lonely during the day and needed a companion. not only to be less lonely during the day, but knowing that having an animal around truly brings me peace and comfort. i decided to get a puppy thinking that wfh i would have the time to commit to the puppy. understanding a puppy is like a newborn/toddler at first. i felt confident and excited in my decision. my 27M boyfriend an 27F roommate were also very excited. prior to bringing her home i did research for months on how to raise a dachshund puppy – crate training, potty training, separation anxiety training. i finally felt prepared.
this first week of january we brought her home at just 7 weeks, not realizing that this was way too early to be bringing home a puppy. my boyfriend and i are both first time dog owners and did not know that this was WAY too early to be bringing home a puppy. looking back this was a huge red flag that we did not pick up on. nothing could have prepared me to bring her home. the first two weeks were so hard. she couldn’t be left alone for more than 2 seconds and she cried at everything. she would not crate train, probably because she was too young at the time and she only wanted to be with me. she was struggling and still is greatly with potty training so this made it incredibly difficult as to what areas of my apartment i was limited to. and she would not nap due to no crate training so it was even more difficult to get her to settle down. I didn’t realize how quickly this would start taking a toll on my mental health. a week and a half in a had a full nervous breakdown with panic attacks. i have a history of having panic attacks but hadn’t had one since college in 2018 when i was considering dropping out. i was at my worst point mentally, worse than i have ever been before. this felt 10x worse, i did not eat for 4 days and was mentally and physically drained, i couldn’t sleep or work or do anything. on top of that, i go to therapy biweekly, weekly when im struggling, and have not been able to go. making all of this that much harder. my anxiety and depression have been triggering my ocd and eating disorder in ways that i have never experienced before. my eating disorder is fueled by lack of control in my life. it is my one way for me to take back control. and since getting her i have lost all control of and my eating disorder has been at its worst in years. i was not ready for this kind of change in my life.
basically i am doing this all on my own. except for the help of my roommate and boyfriend who come home at 7/8PM and give me relief for an hour or two, i am completely on my own. pottying her at night, caring for her during the day, training her, vet appts, all of it on me. not only that but my roommate and i have completely different schedules which is making trying to get puppy on a schedule even harder. and it is really becoming a lot. i am struggling both with work and personally to find time to get anything done. i have had close friend coworkers make mention of how much less work ive been producing over the past two months and have personally noticed how little i take care of myself anymore.
i told myself that despite how i was feeling i needed to give her and myself a chance. from the moment i picked her up i have loved her so much. i am her mommy. but almost 2 months later i am still struggling SO much and i don’t know when to say this is taking too much of a toll on my mental health and i need to stop. my parents and my best friend, the only 3 people who in depth know my mental health history have told me that this is too much for me. but i am afraid also that her and i have become so attached to each other. she is about to be 14 weeks and i have had her since 7 weeks. i want to do what is best for her but i don’t want her to just think i’ve abandoned her if i rehome her and i also don’t want to regret my decision.
included a cost/benefit analysis chart done at the request of my therapist to see where my head is at logically. i am upset with the outcome, but was kind of expecting it. i think i am just having a hard time coming to terms with it. him
submitted by /u/oscar7880
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