I think maybe we ruined our older dog’s life by adopting a new pup. Would love some advice/success stories to give me some actionable steps and hope that it could still work out.
Here’s the situation: We have a 12 yr old chihuahua (6 lbs)who we’ve had since she was 6 months old and recently adopted an energetic shelter pup who she seems to despise. She stays in her crate all day and seems genuinely depressed. He is a hound/lab/GSD/pit mix (if the embark dna test can be trusted). Got him at 12 weeks. He’s now 6mo old (55lbs and growing). We tried to introduce them in the right ways as best we could – they met for the first time outdoors, he slept in another room (crated) for the first month or two, kept a lead on him at all times to physically keep them apart if needed. They now sleep in the same room with us in crates – his closed, hers open. He goes to daycare a few days a week and is capable of being around other dogs without getting in trouble there.
The issues are that He is overly playful and excited about her which she hates. He’s obsessed with other dogs. Stares at them, lays down on sight of them. 90% of the times he’s in the same space as her, he approaches her. Sometimes he approaches her slowly with his tail wagging and she barks and snaps at him, he backs off briefly, but then goes right back to wanting to play. Sometimes he darts at her and I worry it’s prey drive but she does not run – she whips his ass. We’ve kept him on a leash even in the house to be able to pull him away from her if he goes after her.
The chi occasionally acts interested in him or wags her tail while barking at him but mostly just wants to go down the hall to her bedroom and crate. Which we let her do. We keep a puppy gate up so she can have her end of the house in peace.
There have been a few moments when the two coexist together without our intervention. We take them on walks together and they do great. They can lay on the deck together occasionally. And they have been on the couch together twice without issue. But the Chi mostly refuses to come out to the couch anymore which breaks my heart cause that is really mainly how she existed before his arrival – that and sleeping in her crate.
We’ve been doing a lot of training with the pup. Sit, stay, leave it, touch, come, place – all which he does with varying degrees of consistency. But he does not listen much when she is around. And I’m not sure what to really train at this point. Had a trainer tell me not to overuse “leave it” with this scenario cause it will become meaningless. But what do I say when he approaches her when I know she doesn’t want him to? How should I intervene besides making sure he can’t get to her and separating them when the chi inevitably goes all honey badger on him?
I should also add that while she tends to dislike pretty much all other new dogs when she encounters them in the wild, she is capable of positive relationships with other dogs. We had an older 40ish pound dog when we adopted her and they were in love. He died 7 years ago and she seemed heartbroken for a long time after. She also developed a sweet friendship with a dog down the street over the course of about 4 years of interactions. She was seeming to spend more time in her crate even before we got the new puppy. I thought maybe she might like having a doggy companion.
So, here are my worries/questions: what can I do to help these two bond more? Have I ruined her life? Is there hope that this gets better? Will my new pup ever just ignore her which I think she’d prefer? Is there a way I can train that? I can’t bare the thought of returning him to the shelter – he is sweet and we love him so much. But I feel obliged to make her life livable as well.
TLDR: my 12 yo old chihuahua hates my 6mo old big mutt pup and seems depressed after having him for 3 months now. Is there any hope they grow to coexist over time? What can I do to encourage that?
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