Primary Caregiver Blues

My 11 week old puppy loves my husband more and I hate that I’m all up in my feels about this. I shouldn’t be feeling sad, I know. Anyone felt similar and have good stories to share? Perhaps some encouragement to keep being the primary caregiver 🥹

We got her at 8 weeks. My husband wanted a puppy but realized he has debilitating allergies to her. Because of this, he has to balance his health while being active with her. We do most of the feedings together and he has solo chill sofa time with her. I’m not around 1 day a week. He usually keeps her at an arm’s length but still touches her to settle her down.

I’m more of the active parent (which, btw, is not an issue with me at all – I love being the caregiver and happy to do what I can to not exacerbate his allergies*). I do the feedings and have solo chill sofa cuddle time too. And I do all of the: grooming, training sessions outside of feeding, playing/tugging/fetching, doggy massages, late night potty trips, bringing her in and out of crate during naps, rolling around on the ground with her, monitoring, preventing or rewarding bad/good things, etc. I am always available and around.

When she’s settling down with both of us on the couch, she gravitates towards him to settle down. She’ll lie down next to him, not me. When he leaves the room, she’s whining and sitting by the door waiting for him. Like, hello?? I’m still here!! Oh, but when I leave the room and he’s still there, she just chills with him. She seems perfectly fine. The moment this all clicked was when I got up to get her kibble today…she stayed by his side on the couch and just looked up curiously. But all the times that he goes to get kibble, she’s rabid LOL wants to jump off the couch and run to him. She’s so food motivated and yet still has favourites??

I know this is classic!! He’s novel, chill, and fun. I’m the stimulating, surveilling caregiver. I understand that it’s great she has healthy attachment and feels safe/secure with both of us. That’s what’s most important here, I know. She gets her needs met by both of us in different ways, and that’s a good thing. I’m also glad that she is showing him this much love as he’s going through difficult allergies – he deserves it. I hate that I feel sad, jealous, and a bit resentful too. I hate that it makes me want to pull away with her and I really try not to because I know that everything I do for her is what she needs at this stage of her development. I know she needs me and has love for me too. She just loves him more, and I’m just the caregiver. Some days are just sadder than others 🙃

*FYI- He’s going through allergy prevention and still really tries to help out with her. He is very dedicated to tending to / caring for me and our house as he recognizes I am doing a lot for the pup. The division of labour with our pup is not an issue.