I keep getting cold feet

I’ve wanted a dog for so long. A golden specifically! Every time I come close to doing it I chicken out. I’ve found a breeder about 6 hours away where I was able to get on their waitlist for first pick male without having to put $$ down (I think that’s weird when puppies haven’t even been conceived yet) and then deposit is taken once puppies are born. That’s kind of the exact scenario I was hoping for. Why do I keep getting nervous? I have other personal life things that are up in the air and I don’t think it’s the dog specifically that freaks me out but the guilt of feeling like is this right right now? I have a stable job, a house I’ll be moving into with fenced backyard, all of that is good. I think I start feeling guilty about how, once I have a pup, life won’t look the same. And then I start to feel guilty about driving 6 hours for a dog. People do things like this every day. Crazier even. What is wrong with me 😂