I have puppy blues today

This is me venting as I need to get this off my chest.

I have had my 12 week Chug for two weeks tomorrow. I have never owned a pet before and I am absolutely overwhelmed. Some days I am fine and some days I wonder what I got myself in to.

I live and care for my mother who has mild to moderate alzheimer's. Both my brother and I think it will be good for Mum. We live in an apartment.

I have been constantly caring for our puppy for the last two weeks, haven't gone out except for groceries or supplies for pup. Started puppy school last week.

Toilet training is a hit and miss, more misses than hits. The puppy has been sleeping with me as could not handle his cries the first night so I gave in. He cannot sleep during the day unless it's next to me or Mum on the lounge.

I have been a little upset with him today, telling him 'no' more than 'yes' and 'good boy', because I have had little sleep and he has been peeing in his playpen. He has ruined the playpen as he chewed around the doorway and I can't close it anymore. His bed in there stinks so I've gone out and bought another bed and playpen.

Whenever he poo's he sometimes does it on training pads and sometimes not. Never in playpen. I have caught him eating his poo a few times, not every time. Is this normal behaviour or am I doing something wrong?

Unfortunately I have not been able to put him on a lead, I managed to get collar on him after having tried a harness which he did not like. The lead I manage to get that on but he plays with it and whenever I get it he becomes fearful and doesn't want to move. So I just give up. Is this normal?

The only way I manage to take him out is in his carrier, in my car and he seems to enjoy that.

I love him so much and don't want to ruin training him. Is it still too late for him to learn, I can't wait for puppy school to get answers and suggestions.

I don't want him controlling my life, I want to have a little freedom. I keep being told that things get better, I really hope I haven't ruined the chance yet.

I wouldn't give him up for the world, we love him so much.

I'm sorry my venting is so long and maybe very confusing. Not sure if anyone can make sense to what I am saying.

If you got this far, thank you for at least taking the time to read this.