I feel stuck and my Puppy has triggered a mental health crisis.

Hi folks, I posted here recently about my puppy blues due to illness. The situation has continued and while my illness has regressed significantly after a month, my mental health has emerged in a difficult place. I just want to use this to write out my thoughts, and hopefully hear if others have struggled similarly. Bear with me, this all kind of plays into the struggle.

I have a lot of mental health diagnoses including ADHD, Autism, Chronic Depression and Anxiety. I know immediately that paints a picture, but understand that while I've had a complex life, I am now a 27 year old man and have spent my entire adult life building myself up and finding mental stability that I did not have when I was a child.

I now work part time as a support worker, helping teens and young adults in their own mental health journey. I rent a pretty nice suite from my parents because where I live is stupid expensive and they are very lovely and supportive people.

When I was about 12 years old my mental health was extremely poor. Around that time my family adopted a king charles/basenji cross puppy who through my teen years I became very attached to and was very important to me up until we lost him suddenly at the end of 2020.

In the past few years I have become independently financially stable, and my mental health has been in a truly great place. I have talked for years with family, friends, coworkers, everyone really about how much I love dogs and would like one of my own. I did extensive research, saved, and prepared to adopt a puppy of my own.

At the end of January I adopted a now 5 month old Mini Daschund, and immediately became debilitatingly sick with a sinus infection (see my last post), and was unable to work and struggled through taking care of my new puppy.

Those are the circumstances, I have now a month later mostly recovered from my sickness, but my mental health has collapsed. It came to the point I recently went to a hospital to see a psychiatrist because of the concerning level of intrusive thoughts and depression I have been experiencing.

I think between the caretaker bandwidth of my job and my dog I have felt like I am drowning, forced to constantly pick them each over my own recovery from the mental pit I have fallen into and without recovery it is only growing deeper.

I love my dog, he loves me very much, and having him means so much to me. On top of that everyone I know, knows about him and how much I wanted this adding even more pressure for me to hold it together. I have friends and family supporting me in taking care of him at times but the guilt over how incapable I feel is causing me to resent myself and when I think of rehoming, something which makes a lot of sense in my current situation, I loathe myself even more.

I feel so trapped, disappointed, and afraid right now. I feel like everyone around me is so in love with my puppy too. I don't know what to do.