I am seeking help/reassurance with new adopted puppy

Hi everybody! I just recently adopted the sweetest,cutest, 4 month old puppy a few days ago. It was a journey to get to this point though. The last two weeks have felt

Like an insane blur. I am someone who has struggled with anxiety/stress/overthinking for as long as I can remember and it’s never been as bad as it has these last two weeks. Ive barely eaten, drank water, and have just felt mentally and physically exhausted.

For context: me and my husband talked a while about the puppy we have now. I saw him on a rescues FB page and thought he was the cutest and was originally just fostering, which only lasted 4 days, before I made an emotionally charged decision, due to no fault of the sweet puppy, as I was very stressed and overwhelmed due to external things, to return him to the rescue. The next day I reached out saying I made a mistake would we be able to continue the last week of the foster trial as it was two weeks long.

They had given us the opportunity to adopt him about a week ago, to which me and my husband talked thoroughly about and decided not to in that moment as we both felt 50/50, we felt it should be a 100% decision. Fast forward the weekend passes and I contacted the rescue that on day to adopt him. I thought I made a good decision as I was SO excited to pick him up that day but the next day my emotions completely flipped and I regretted it and felt like I made a mistake. I have been trying to keep my stress down by trying to enjoy my life as it is a blessing and there is so much to be grateful for, even in the midst of how I feel.

I’m getting back into therapy as I feel like it could help me with this situation as well. I have no reason that I can think for my feeling this way. I just feel like I’m losing it. I should be happy. I wanted him but why do I feel like being around him spikes my anxiety. 🙁

He’s the sweetest baby and for a puppy he’s well behaved. I’ve thought about returning him back to rescue they had told me when I picked him up if I changed my mind again, that’s it. No more which fully understandable as he is a puppy and it wouldn’t be fair to him.

My husband is fully okay and happy. I am the one who feels like my world is crashing apart. He’s sleeping next to us right now and I just feel like it won’t get better. Bc I stalked the rescues page after I returned him from fostering and I let a few comments of people asking what happened bc they said that he got returned get to me and I felt so down on myself and I feel like that could’ve also pushed me to adopt as well. Instead of me taking my mind off of it, I fed my mind the content. I think since I knew how impulsive that was I felt way more upset about it bc I knew I shouldn’t have called in the moment of emotion.

But now I’m trying my best to give it a chance. I would feel horrible returning him bc it wouldn’t be his fault but I know he would be fine. I don’t know if returning him would even help me or would I feel even worse?

I know it’s a big life and routine change and I’ve researched puppy blues but this feels like more. We fostered before back in Dec 25 and returned the dog back after 5 days bc I was freaking out and couldn’t handle it, he got adopted a month later!🥳 but that was kind of impulsive as far as going to the shelter that day and fostering.

I wanted this to be my journey back into seeing if I was ready but I don’t know.

Any advice/comments are helpful.