Hi everyone. I’m not a first-time dog owner, but this is my first time being the sole caregiver and I genuinely don’t know if I’m doing okay or failing my dog. I’d love any advice or encouragement. I just want to know I’m not failing her.
Background:
I adopted my dog from a local shelter at 4 months old. She’s now about 6 months, estimated Husky/Shepherd mix, around 33 lbs. I’m a full-time healthcare worker with a roughly 7am–4pm day including commute. I live in a studio apartment.
A friend is temporarily staying with me (about 2 more months) with her 20lb Maltese mix, who has socialization issues. My friend was with me when I‘ve bring my dog from shelter. They’re separated from my dog by a baby gate. My dog has her crate in her side of the space, knows “house,” and sleeps in it overnight with the door closed without issue.
Daily routine:
6am — Outdoor potty trip + 5–10 min walk, then breakfast.
7am–4pm — I’m at work. My friend is instructed not to feed, train, or play with my dog (to preserve the primary caregiver dynamic), just removes pee pads and gives brief petting. Pet cam shows my dog mostly sleeping near the gate or in her crate.
4pm — Home. Feeding, 5-min training session, nose work toy, then a rawhide chew while I cook and eat dinner.
6pm — Around 20 min walk. Working on loose leash and focus. Still very excitable outside, but handles the hallway well. Mixing in sit/down/watch me throughout.
7–7:30pm — Post-walk nap ends and zoomies begin. Tail-chasing, barking at the other dog. Short training session, nose work or tug, bathtub desensitization practice. Then a frozen Kong in the crate for about 5 minutes (some demand whining, not screaming), released once she’s calmer.
9–9:30pm — Last meal, pee pad available, everyone in bed by 10pm.
The struggles:
- Outdoor potty transition.
She knows indoor pee pads and uses them reliably, but the overflow and constant cleanup is burning me out. I’ve been trying to transition to outdoor-only, but her pattern is: hold everything overnight, pee a little outside in the morning, then come inside and finish it all on the pad. I can’t seem to break the cycle. Even I stayed at the same spot few more minutes, still. After pee outside, I give her big applause, good girl and little walk. Also, the reason I’m not trying during day and night is simply she is so excited and even I brought her outside when she is sniffing and looking around her pee pad, after we go outsidr she just forgot about peeing. I tried to put her in crate for 5 mins and tried to go outside again, but it just made her stress and arousal and I just pure stress.
- Evening overstimulation.
The 7–9pm window is hard. Zoomies, tail-chasing, barking at my friend’s dog.. she’s difficult to settle even with Kongs, chew toys and enrichment. When she gets to that point, she chews the walls or her crate. Even she has something she loves to chew! (Kong, rawhide, nylabone .. etc)
- Attachment to the wrong person?
I’m the one who feeds, trains, walks, and plays with her. But when my friend steps out briefly, my dog screams and barks loudly enough to disturb the whole building. When I leave for work, she didn‘t even cries, just settles within minutes. I don’t fully understand it, and it’s honestly a little demoralizing.
- The guilt.
I know the criticism — full-time worker, studio apartment, large-breed puppy. I carry that guilt every day. But the shelter was over capacity, and I watched her vomiting from stress with a heartbroken face. I couldn’t walk away. I just want to know if I’m actually doing right by her.
Is she okay? Am I okay? Some grammer is akward, but I‘m just little tired, friends. Any advice or words of encouragement are very welcome. I really hope.
TL;DR: 6mo Husky/Shepherd mix, studio apt, full-time healthcare worker. Solid routine, crate trained? ,enrolled in group classes. Struggling with outdoor potty transition, evening overstimulation, and a dog who panics when my temporarily-staying roommate leaves but is calm when I go to work. Constant demand whining… Am I failing her?
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