I have a 3 year old with profound autism, his actually very considerate with animals when his well regulated, plus I'm used to picking up early warning signs of dysregulation and putting space between him and other people/animals in case there's a meltdown.
I feel I have an advantage from other toddler parents when it comes to introducing a toddler to a puppy, because I wouldn't trust my son alone with literally anything, even himself. I've been his over-protective shadow since he learnt to crawl.
A week ago I brought home a border collie x poodle (1/4 collie, 3/4 poodle) and now she's almost 12 weeks old. The breeder helped me select her, because she is confident and outgoing they felt she’d cope well in a loud, busy house with a toddler. I grew up with Collies and retrievers, but I was the child, not the adult who trained them to be so wonderful.
The problem I didn't consider is that our other pets (chickens and cats), aren't instinctually ‘playful’ like a puppy. So although my son adores our chickens and his raised them to be hilariously cuddly and needy, they don't approach him If his not in the mood.
A puppy on the other hand, she's hellbent on playing with him. His finding it really overwhelming and his not very interested in playing with her at all, which just makes her try harder. I think she's very fond of him, she lays outside any room his in and cries. She'd rather walk besides him than next to me. She fights to get past me and lay next to him.
But I don't think her introduction to children is going well, not because his being over the top with her, because whenever she starts to get rough with him he panics and tries to get away, he pushes her off and screams. His patted her with me and likes giving her treats, but his trying to avoid her.
But the last few days she's started growling at him when she’s sleeping, even though she seeks him out and chooses to sleep next to him. Once when he had his hand on her, but the other time she came over to him and lied down, then growled each time he giggled or stimmed.
Is it her herding instinct? He has no volume control and does run, spin and flap his arms a lot.
They’ve only ever been together under close supervision, when she's out of her play pen she's uaually on a leash, so they have very few interactions with each other because I try to stay between them.
She won't sleep in her play pen or crate, she will wait for hours and finally crash once she's taken out of it. She will just sit by it’s door and quietly whine, whether we’re in her sight or not.
I'm wondering if the growling could be more about herding than fear? Because my son showed so much fear towards her? Considering she's the one initiating the interactions with my toddler, she's not attempting to get away from him, in fact she's always doing her best to be close to him.
I've read so much conflicting advice about growling around toddlers, I’m starting to worry my pup just might not be suited to sharing the home with an autistic child. I'm working on teaching her ‘leave it’, which is getting more effective and she will often stop dead in her tracks when approaching my son. I do lots of play with her, training, walks around our yard (until she's fully vaccinated). She has so many toys, chews, treat dispensers.
The growling really worries me that it could escalate.
Other than this, my puppy is perfect. She practically toilet trained herself in a week, she picks up commands easy and is she's so eager to please. She's always listening and adapting, she sits to be let out of her pen or outside.
I really adore her, I want to make this work but I'm worried the damage is already done in terms of her being safe with children.
I'd love peoples advice and insights into how they might manage this, or if they'd even attempt to manage it in the first place.