I want to scream and shout and let it all out

My puppy isn't even a puppy anymore, she is a 1 year old spaniel now and I have completely failed her and my own expectations and I am so pissed at my self and stressed and tired of everything being destroyed or peed on or her whining for attention. She can't come to my bed because she'll pee on it if she hasn't gone out. My sofa is torn to shreds. I cannot have any carpets. I have to guard anything that is smaller than my head otherwise she'll try to choke in it by eating it whole. She'll bite everything, she'll guard anything she knows she isn't allowed to take, she'll claw her paws at me if I don't look at her.. And outside she'll pull like a mad horse, no matter for how long we go out for she'll try to rattle me along. I cannot leave her alone at all, she'll just lose her marbles and kongs can only distract her for so long. And I gave my neighbor my number to be nice and now I get messages after an hour of her being alone that I am abusing my animal when I've told them I am trying to extend her separation tolerance since nothing else seems to work just have to take it day by day-, so now I just don't reply to them and sit with the anxiety of what a shitty person I am. 🫠

This little girl has all the toys, the sniffing carpets, kongs, the little ball to roll around and eat treats from. She can bring any toy to be whenever she wants and I'll throw it for her, but if I don't leave my chair to do so during work it's not good enough then she won't fetch anything she'll just come sleep on my feet. I am with her, always when I work even. She goes out multiple times a day, runs around the park with other dogs and rolls around in crap and ruins her coat, pays zero rent and just smells the flowers..

I was dumb and got her a celebratory nice pretty dog bed that cost a decent amount of money, I let her sniff it and get all familiar with it, what does she do? Release the biggest golden shower while looking at me straight to my eyeballs with zero clue of being inside the fricking house. And I lost it in disbelief, she'd literally do it 5 min after we come outside of the park where she had pissed already..

She is a sweet cuddly angle with beautiful golden locks, but my god she is trying to make me end my entire existence sometimes. I'm sick and tired guys, of always being sick and tired 😭

Thank you for coming to my rant