Today is just hard 🙁

Puppy is just shy of 18 months – the state which many says is the turning point of everything ‘clicking’, but today that just seems extremely far away.

But I know it’s not his fault I’m feeling defeated today. We are currently renovating our 2nd home – we got him when we were almost finished with the first, so along with the puppy blues which hit me hard, we also finished the first apartment, sold it, struggled to buy a new one, finally found it, moved in and found out the condition of the building was way worse so we had to spend all of our remaining money and even take another loan for unseen stuff – while both also working full time and handling our now teenage dog.

For the past few weeks we have had craftsmen walking in and out of the apartment so our puppy, who is used to being home alone and pretty okay with it, has been in a limbo of either being with family or I have been working from home, but I know this has been stressful for him and his daily routines has been nok existing.

Now, we are lacking towards the end of that and slowly we will be able to transition back to our ‘normal’ everyday in this chaos – but at least for him. And today he had to be home alone for the 2nd day in a row. Yesterday there were no problems and he was curled up asleep. Today, he barked non stop for 10 minutes 3 times during the day with his tale tucked between his legs. It broke me. I literally had to go to the bathroom at my workplace to cry while looking at our camera at home.

I have been working so hard for him to be comfortable being at home, first in our first apartment and now again in the second. And I know this is just one day, but all of the stress and teenage shenanigans are breaking me. I feel like this dog still doesn’t love me or that he has a bond to me, even though I try to do everything and more – this has nothing to do with today, but just a general feeling that boils up whenever things are not going well.

So sorry for the meaningless rant but I have cried for the past 4 hours and I had to put this somewhere to get it out of the system.

Tomorrow will be a better day. He will be my dream dog.