I was going to post something after we'd had our pup for a month, as in my head everything would be rosy then, but today I realised that I may as well do it now, so here it is:
You love dogs. You always have. They're cute and sweet and cuddly and love unconditionally. How great would it be to have one of your own, for you and your partner? You d be a proper little family! We even moved to the country so we could get a dog. But we d best wait for the right time.
But then, your brother had a serious medical incident a few months ago. Hes fine and back home, thank god, but I dont think you ll ever forget first walking into the ICU and seeing him there. One of the fittest, strongest people you know, not even 35. Just shows it can happen to anyone. We have so little control over what happens to us, and no idea of how much time we really have.
So why you are waiting? Dont let fear control you. Get the dog, be brave.
But this is where you went wrong. Not in getting the dog, but in your expectations, for the dog and yourself. A puppy is not a dog. Its a puppy. Its a little baby learning about the world for the first time, with a 2 second attention span. And hes scared, and excited, and confused and hungry and thirsty, and he needs the toilet, and he needs a nap, but he cant quite work all this out just yet.
However hard you think it is, however many videos you ve watched, articles you ve read, it will be harder. There is a world of difference between knowing its going to be hard, and actually doing it. You hate noise, you re oversensitive to it. You hate frustration, and struggle to understand why other people or creatures can t just GET IT. This is going to test all of that further than you understand right now.
And, crucially, you did not factor in how triggering for your anxiety and OCD this was going to be. Hoping for a perfect dog. Perfect naps, going to sleep without a murmur, no biting, no accidents, a perfect dog that instantly fits into your life the way you want it to.
And of course he doesnt, because hes a baby. So when he barks for 40 minutes instead of going to sleep, when he learns to overturn his waterbowl, when he decides to eat another leaf, or go mad on the lead in the garden, or bite you and draw blood when you re just trying to help him, you re going to spiral. Catastrophise. This was an awful idea. What have i done? I dont want this, we need to take him back. I cant do this. Im too weak. Im not tough enough. Why isnt he doing what the videos and forum posts say? Which video do i need to watch, what guide should i read? Whats wrong with him? Whats wrong with me?
And so, here we are, at the start of week 3. We ve had some good days and some tough ones, some lovely moments and some really hard ones. You ve cried more in the last 3 weeks than in the last year, you ve struggled more than since you can remember, and thats coming from someone who in the past has been suicidal more than once.
And heres, the kicker: theres nothing wrong with the pup. Hes barely 11 weeks old. Hes a baby. Hes doing great at so many things. He needs love, persistence and patience. The issue is with you and how you are coping.
You need to let go.
Let go of the videos and articles. If there is a genuine question you need an answer for, look it up, but shut it off right after. There a million and one dog 'experts' online, and they all have completely different opinions. 'Teach your puppy this behaviour in week 1 or your life will be ruined and your dog will be a monster.' Just leave it all. Let it go. Let it go and just try your best.
Concentrate on a few basic things. Toilet training, naps, getting him curious about things, and learning that if hes good, he gets a treat. Everything else will come with time. Stop hoping for perfection, from both him and you. Let go. Take the risk he might be a demon creature who is going to ruin your life. Dont let fear control you. Understand that having a puppy is hard, and its meant to be. There is no perfect way of doing it.
Let go of the worry, the fear, all of it. Take each day as it comes, and instead of hoping it goes perfectly, hope that you can remember to do the right things in the tough moments, instead of the things which make it worse. Dont let fear control your life.
Also, a massive shout out to the partners of people like me, who want a dog, get one, and then promptly have a meltdown about it. I wouldnt be where i am today without my wonderful partner, and her strength and patience in the last 3 weeks has been awe inspiring.
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