Should I rehome my puppy

I am really conflicted on what to do with my puppy. I have a 9 month old Sheltie puppy that I got 3 months ago and I have not bonded to him at all.

This is my second dog, I had a rescue who died a year ago and I’ve been wanting another dog so badly ever since. My last dog had a lot of breed specific behavioral issues that really limited my life and what I could do because he was very bite prone. Despite that I loved him and miss him terribly. I say all this to say that I have dealt with a difficult dog before and I adored him and would never have given him up.

I decided to get a puppy from what I thought was a reputable breeder so I could raise this dog from the beginning and hopefully have a better adjusted dog that I could take everywhere with me without having worries. I used to take my last dog everywhere but it was challenging bc he had to be muzzled and watched.

The new puppy wasn’t socialized which I didn’t learn till I had him. He had never left the property or been on a leash or climbed stairs or been in a car. Everything terrifies him. I can barely touch him because he’s so skittish, and in 3 months I have barely been able to brush him which he needs because his fur is really long. He pees and poops in the house still and training hasn’t been sticking; for whatever reason he just cannot absorb the commands no matter how much we practice. He pees in the car and can’t handle a 5 minute ride. He’s afraid of cars so we can’t walk on the road so we’ve just been walking circles around my house for months for our walks, I’ve tried taking him to a nature trail but the car ride freaks him out so much he doesn’t want to walk when we get there.

Regardless of all these things I don’t think any of it would matter if I felt love for this dog. I do not hate him by any means but I feel no connection to him. My last dog I loved the moment I brought him home and would have died for him. I find myself not wanting to be around the new dog. I don’t know what to do with him. He doesn’t engage into sniffing games or fetch or toys or puzzles, I’ve had a trainer I’m working with but that hasn’t made a big difference.

I feel overwhelmed and sad and anxious. I don’t feel like the puppy is happy with me and I don’t feel happy either. I have family friends who live on a farm and have kids and other dogs and animals and lots of fenced land. They’ve said they want him if I don’t. (I talked to the breeder first but the moment she heard I knew someone who might want him, she didn’t offer to take him back or find him a new home) When we have gone over to their house, my puppy loved playing with the other dogs and kids and exploring their property. It seems like maybe that might be a better fit for him and he may thrive more in that environment. I live alone with him and even though my parents are a couple houses down and we see them all the time he doesn’t have other animal friends or kids to give him constant company or attention.

Despite all this I still can’t make a decision. I loved being a dog mom and I miss that part of my identity so much. I miss going on hikes and all the people I met through having a dog. Most of my friends have dogs. I know I will feel lonely and left out if I rehome my puppy. On the other hand I am not enjoying being around him and I don’t know if I ever will. I am still taking care of him as best as I can, he has so many toys and treats and beds and training and whatever he needs. I will never neglect him. But as of now I am just going through the motions and it’s making me really depressed. I don’t know what to do. I keep hearing from people that it will get better and the love will come but what if it doesn’t? Am I being selfish if I keep him?