We disagree on crate training and I’m so tired. + crate transition

Hi all,

This is a vent but I’m also seeking crate advice.

I’m raising my 5 month old Samoyed puppy alone. His training is going well, he’s well behaved in general and I did work hard on him, but I also had support from my mom since I got him. She has been helpful since the beginning, gave me good advice, and put a great perspective on a few things. There is just one thing we cannot agree on: the crate.

I have crate trained him since day one. It took a while, but he eventually got used to his crate and he goes in it peacefully. But my mom sees the crate as a prison for him and feels pity for him that he’s caged up. It ends up with us having big fights about it every time she comes over, and she rambles about how she had dogs in the past, she never crated them and they turned up fine. Which is great but she had them 40 years ago while living on a literal farm with huge space; I live in a much smaller townhouse.

I can understand where she’s coming from, but the crate has helped me a LOT during training and it gives my dog stability during the night. He’s still young, and while my plan is to eventually let him sleep with me full time with the crate as a choice, I feel like it’s too young for him to have access to a big space at night. Just today he had not one but three accidents in the house, and even if he’s pretty much clean, his bladder/gut system aren’t fully developed and we still are in a work in progress. She doesn’t seem to understand my point, and is trying to make me feel bad for not letting him sleep with us.

Soon I’m going to rearrange my setup. Right now puppy is sleeping in his crate in the living room that is also used as a support for the playpen during the day. I want to make the playpen bigger, more stable, and the crate is going upstairs with me.

I have two big questions: number one, how should I transition from the crate in the living room to the bedroom? Is it better if he’s on the same floor but in a different room? Should I let him on my bed asap?

And two, how should I deal with someone who doesn’t agree with my methods? I would appreciate that there is no judgment towards me or my mom. I’m just tired of feeling like my boundaries are too much to ask for, and her coming over is making me feel anxious (for context she lives far away from work, I live much closer and sometimes she sleeps at my house to avoid trafic and the long road during winter). At the end of the day, it is my dog, not hers, I do not want to feel influenced or guilt tripped for how I raise my puppy, who by the way is amazing and everyone tells me so. Not to toot my own horn but it must mean in a way that I’m doing something right.

Thank you for reading and I appreciate the feedback 🫶